Hellooooo....

It's been a ridiculously long time since I've written anything here, and of course there's so much I'd like to write about. I'm mostly sorry that I haven't been keeping up with writing about Ben, because I have also not written a word in his baby book in over a year. Oh well; at least there are plenty of pictures...and Facebook updates! Maybe I'll print them out one day and tuck them into his mostly blank baby book.

I also have lots to report about the band (like, that our CD is out on iTunes!), but that will have to wait. I want to write a birthday letter to Ben like I've always done for George, though it will have to be for his "half-birthday" since he just turned 1 1/2. And yes, I'm even late on that. As I said, Oh well. Anyway... here goes.

Dear Ben,

Happy, happy eighteen months! And happy they have been indeed. In fact, you are such a happy boy that friends routinely tell us that you're the happiest baby they've ever seen.

Ok, so, you're not really a baby anymore, since you've been walking for so long that we barely remember when you didn't, but I'm afraid it is going to take a good long while for you to lose your moniker of Baby Ben. It just suits you so well!

I'm sorry I haven't been chronicling your extraordinary babyhood/toddlerhood very well. I've really been insanely busy with work and, well, with you! When I'm *not* working, I'm spending the time with you (and the other kids, of course), and while I've gotten pretty good at multi-tasking, I haven't yet figured out how to give you my full attention and blog or write in your baby book at the same time. The real kids in front of me win out over the chronicling... (Right now, btw, you are napping, and I should be doing the same, or grading papers... but I have really, really been wanting to write this!)

A few things about you. Though we call you Baby Ben, no one can convince you that you're not one of the big kids. You always want to be right there, in the middle of the action, with everyone. My favorite example was over the summer. We were all in the pool and we were playing beach-ball-tag, where we have about 10 or more beach balls of various sizes that we throw at each other. (There's no "it"--it's more of a free-for-all.) Anyway, Brad and I had George cornered and were pelting him at very close range (not hard enough to hurt, mind you! But it was pretty rambunctious). You were nearby, wearing your arm floaties (which you took to like a pro from the get-go), playing on the steps. When you saw us laughing and throwing the balls at George, you climbed out of the pool, walked over to the corner where we were, and lowered yourself into the pool in between George and the side, right where we were throwing all of the balls. How pleased with yourself you were! I wouldn't have even thought that there would be room for you in there, and also, I don't think you had ever lowered yourself into the pool like that before. But, like I said, no one was going to convince you that you were just a baby and shouldn't be right smack in the middle of all the rowdy fun we were having!

Let me list at least a few things that I love about you right now (since that's what I usually do in these birthday letters).... I love how happy you are when you wake up, and how usually you look at me and say in this really sleepy and loving and sort of satisfied voice, "Mama." And then you look over at your daddy and say "Bob-Bob" with the same sleepy, loving tone. (You still don't call him Dad!) You used to look for the cats next, and say one or the other of their names, but you have added a new intermediate step. You scooch or crawl over to Bob and kneel over him and say right up in his face, "Rock and roll!" Usually with great insistence and enthusiasm. Yesterday morning when you awoke, you opened your eyes, smiled at me, and said "Mama... Mommy, Bobby, Baby, rock and roll!" As you can imagine, we're quite pleased with this development! (Especially given your early obsession with sh!t-kickin' country music :-)

The next thing you do, after you wake up and do your sweet little roll call, is to get up and head into the bathroom. And if we've forgotten to close the door to the toilet, you go right in and start plunging the toilet. For some reason, this is irresistible fun for you. This morning you went downstairs and I was lagging behind a bit; when you heard me coming down the stairs I could hear you running across the kitchen. When I got down there, there was no sign of you, but when I peeked into the bathroom off of the kitchen, I saw that you had left your calling card--the plunger in the toilet. When I turned around to look for you again, I saw that you had run around the corner into the doorway to the stairs leading down to the basement; you were poking your head around the doorway looking at me with this impossibly adorable, slightly guilty, trying-to-be-nonchalant look on your face, as if to say "What? What's the problem? I haven't been plunging the toilet or anything. I've been right here, by the basement stairs."

Anyway... Next, you generally say "boom-boom-boom", which means you want to go down to the basement to our jam space and start playing the drums. When we get down there, you insist on having us turn on all the colored lights, and then you ask to be set up on the drum throne so you can play. You can't reach the pedals, of course, but you don't let that stop you--you instruct us when it's time to hit them.

Another little story from the time before you had discovered toilet plunging... this was just a couple of days after we had gotten the drum kit, which was about two months ago now, I guess. So you were about 16 months old. We had a routine of going for a walk every morning when you woke up (though now the weather is getting a little chilly, so we usually go later in the day, if at all). You went down the stairs ahead of me, while I was still putting my shoes on (by the way, you've been an extremely adept stair-climber and -descender for months, which is a good thing, since our house is full of so many stairs!). When I got down to the kitchen, I didn't see you, but I figured you must be just hiding around the corner--you never went very far. So I said something like "Ok, Ben, I'm ready; let's Go!" Which *always* made you come running. (You LOVE to "Go!" and are always up for it, wherever we are going.) But, nothing. So I said it again a couple of times, and added that it was time to go for our walk (which also always got you excited), and that I had num-nums for you (again, any one of these things NEVER failed to make you come running). I even went so far as to open and close the door, which up to that point would have made you come running, and might have even made you cry out of fear that someone was going somewhere fun without you. But still, nothing. So I ventured over to the doorway to the basement stairs, fully expecting to see you hiding right there and smiling at me, but no. I went down the stairs and rounded the corner and still didn't see you, but at that point I heard the drums.... I kept going on until I reach the jam space, and there you were--with that same little "What? Who, me?" look on your face--holding the drum sticks but now standing in front of the kit, as you had obviously heard me coming and thought I'd be disapproving. I laughed and smiled and told you to go ahead and play, and you ran right back around to the other side and started banging away. Holding the sticks the right way and hitting the drums pretty much the right way! Unbelievably adorable and awesome. I did actually capture some of it on video, on my phone, which you will have probably seen by the time you are old enough to read this....

So, anyway, we usually have a little drumming session, and then we have a little breakfast and go for a walk if it's warm or we go up to the man cave which we have sort of Ben-proofed, although that is a constant work-in-progress, since you're constantly growing and also thinking up new ways to reach things... (Like pulling big cushions off of chairs, or moving chairs around....)

Another really sweet memory of you from very early in the summer... We were all at the back of the yard, putting together the trampoline that Maga and Grandma Jane had gotten us for Christmas. You were over closer to the house, but then decided to come see what we were doing. It's a pretty long walk for a little guy (you weren't much over a year old at that point), but you were undaunted. About halfway across, you spotted Coco, curled up (or stretched out--I can't quite recall) next to the edge of the fence around the pool. You deviated slightly from your path so that you would go right by him and when you got to him you bent down and "kissed" him right on his fluffy body. I put "kiss" in quotation marks because your kisses at that point were more like just putting your mouth up to the designated kiss-recipient. Anyway, then you proceeded on your way across the rest of the yard to us. Soooo sweet.

You love the kitties and, thank goodness, they are very tolerant and patient with you! I mean you really adore them, and you like to show your love by yes, kissing them, and sometimes petting them gently, but also by grabbing and pulling their tails/paws/a handful of fur.... You used to like to lie down right on top of them! Or crawl right over them when you were in your crawling phase. You don't do that so much anymore, but you're still big into the grabbing and pulling thing. They are unbelievably patient. Except for Lucy, who hisses at you from time to time, which you hate. Sometimes you hiss back at her, which is so funny and sad--sad because you just don't understand why she would behave that way when all you want to do is love her!

You love your siblings and light up when you see them. You have been great at saying Lindsey's name from very early on (it was one of your first words, and you say it quite clearly), but you have nicknames for your brothers. George is A-duh and Brad is Ung, which evolved from what was at first Ugh. As I said, you adore them, and you love repeating their names over and over whenever you see them or whenever you even hear us talking about them.

You continue to have an amazing, special relationship with your daddy, who takes care of you every day. (I take care of you every day, too! But you two really do spend a lot of time together.) You still love napping on him, and your latest thing is to rough-house with him, which he clearly loves every bit as much as you do, if not more! You also love watching football with him (you call out "football!" any time you get even a glimpse of a game), and you two call your rough-housing "tackling".

Another truly extraordinary thing about you that your daddy and I really love is that you are very fond of the concept "back"--not just as in people coming back, but as in putting things back! You love to put pretty much anything back, and most of the time we don't even have to prompt you. You'll pick something up, walk around with it, show it to us, and then, in your adorable little voice, with great pride and decisiveness, you'll say "Back!" as you put it back. I've never seen anything like it. You obviously got this trait from your dad. We're hoping it might rub off on your older siblings and, ahem, your mom.

You and swimming.... I've already talked a little about it, but you really took to the water this summer like a little fish. From pretty early on in the summer you loved your arm floaties, and were swimming around the entire pool like a pro with them. You were so tiny! To see your little head floating above water as your arms and legs propelled you all over... it was really something to see. But as much as you loved the freedom the arm floaties afforded you, you eventually concluded that they were for babies, as no one else was wearing them, and you took them off and actually started swimming a little bit on your own toward the end of the summer. We're pretty sure you'll keep it up over the winter in the hot tub, though you're now tall enough to stand in it, so you're not swimming quite as much these days!

And also filed under the category of I'm-not-a-baby is the way you are bound and determined to go down the stairs the way we all do. At first, you would crawl, and it was so cute--you'd get down in the crawling position at the top of the man cave stairs, and then you'd back up toward the top step, except sometimes you'd miscalculate and end up with one leg on the wrong side of the railing, so you'd have to crawl forward and then come around again for another pass. Really, it was unbelievably adorable. And kind of amazing that such a little guy could handle the stairs so well! But it's not enough for you. You will now wait at the top of the stairs for us to come hold your hand so you can go down the grown-up way. Or you'll try to reach up and grab the railing, which is just a bit out of reach, but surely won't be for long....

You LOVE the Itsy-Bitsy spider song and for months have been putting your thumbs together trying to decipher how to do the spider-motion. You also love Patty-Cake and you especially associate it with Grandma Jane, with whom you also have a very special and close relationship. And you've also developed a great bond with Maga, despite the fact that she lives across the country.... She adores you and can't ever stay away for too terribly long!

You love your Duplo Legos and are even learning some of the letters on them (we got you the alphabet ones). And you're working on your colors as well. One of the few books that you haven't torn apart is Spot's Colors and you love to read that with us. I can't wait until you get over your book-destroying-thing and we can bring out more books to read with you!

Oh yeah, that reminds me... I do have one book that I keep in the car and read to you either before or after our walk (yes, we drive to the park to take our walks most of the time!). It's Llama, Llama, Red Pajama. You LOVE it and never seem to tire of having me read it to you. I keep it in the car because when you're there you're strapped in and you can't destroy it!

You also LOVE spoons. You love to hold them and play with them, but you haven't quite worked out the details of feeding yourself with them just yet. Oh yes, and you also love the piano, which unfortunately no one besides you ever really plays. Basically, you are just crazy about music. The other day George practiced his recorder in front of you (which he doesn't usually do) and you ran right up to him and put your face up next to his, getting as close as you possibly could so that you could see exactly what it was that he was doing. You were utterly enthralled. I can't wait until you're old enough to take up an instrument in earnest. I have a feeling it won't be all that long.

But I take it back; I can wait! I love you so much, just as you are. I am savoring pretty much every moment of your babyhood/toddlerhood. Your face... your eyes... your smile... your walk/run... your hugs and kisses... your voice... You bring me boundless joy, each and every day. So much love and happiness, and all of it so unexpected at this point in my life! Thanks for being you, Ben. I love you.

Love,

Mom

Happy Birthday to my writer

11 years ago tonight I was in the hospital, waiting for George to be born...

I'm going to write my annual list of "Things I love about George right now," but first a word about his latest writing project, which was just published online here. It's called "Commander Cat" and it's about a kid who finds a secret portal to an online gaming world, enters it, and ends up becoming their hero. He actually came up with the story when he was in kindergarten, on the playground--at recess he used to assign roles to a bunch of other kids and they would act out various parts of the story. He finally wrote it all out (changing it a fair amount in the process) for an online creative writing workshop he just finished through Northwestern's CTD.

***

Well, the way life goes these days, I started this post, and now a few weeks have gone by and I haven't finished it. So now it's after George's birthday, but I'm still going to write my list/letter.

Dear George,

You are now eleven and are quite the young man. You have always been wise beyond your years, but you have really matured by leaps and bounds since becoming a big brother. I catch myself even more often than I used to forgetting that you're a kid! Which in some ways you don't mind, because you hate it when adults patronize kids by having reduced expectations of them.

Despite all the maturing, of course, you're still the same wonderful George you've always been.... I continue to be very much in awe of your creativity! It flows through you. I love acting as your scribe when it's flowing too fast for you to keep up with yourself. I sit with my laptop on the leather couch up in the man cave while you pace back and forth, and around the pool table, dictating to me. When you pause, I used to think something like "Oh no, he's out of ideas for what's going to happen next," but it makes me laugh to remember that now because you are *never* out of ideas. It is great fun, and it feels like a great privilege, to witness your creative process in action.

But it's not just all of your amazing ideas that have me in awe. It's your tremendous facility, ability, in expressing them. You have such flair. You can turn a phrase like nobody's business. You are very aware of the conventions and devices of the various genres that you write in, and employ them with ease--and talk about them critically when questioned about them. At 10 (now 11), you are one of the best writers I know. (I mean one of the best writers I know personally :-)

I love that I can talk to you about just about anything.

I love that you took a CTD course called "Computer Gaming Academy," where you learned how to design computer games using a certain program, and you haven't stopped designing games ever since, and have even helped several of your friends (and your cousin, I think) design some games.

I love being able to homeschool you, and I love exploring different models of learning/schooling with you. I love that I can discuss those models with you as we explore them! That you're interested in that sort of thing. And I love that because you are homeschooled (increasingly unschooled), you have plenty of time for all of your creative endeavors. I hope I'm doing right by you. Sometimes homeschooling feels like a huge responsibility. I rarely wonder if public school would be a better option for you, but I do sometimes wonder if I'm approaching homeschooling in the best way possible for you. I'm definitely making it up as I go along! In any case, I do love being on that journey with you.

I love watching "Good Luck, Charlie" with you, and laughing and laughing.

I love what a sophisticated consumer of popular culture you are. You said to me one morning recently, "Have you ever noticed how kids' cereal commercials are all the same?" and then you proceeded to give me a critique/analysis of the common elements of about 5 different cereal commercials. You did the same about family sitcoms, pointing out various stock characters that always seem to be in play. It's funny because this kind of literary/cultural analysis is in some sense what I do for a living, but I think it comes easier to you than it does to me!

You know that most of all I love your kindness. And your incredible consideration for other people's feelings in all kinds of circumstances.

I love how sweet you are with your baby brother. Like how when Bob and I are playing tennis, you'll talk to Ben and play with him in the car until he's bored and then you'll put him in his stroller and walk him around the park. I love how you make him laugh.

I love your exuberance toward the band, and my songs, and my singing. (You are really great for my self-confidence!) I love it when you walk around the house singing--one minute it will be a song Bob and I have written, and the next it will be something from your choir, and the next it might be a song you're currently learning on recorder. So it's not just that I love how supportive you are of my music, I also love your involvement with and appreciation of all kinds of music.

I love how unflinching you are in the face of peer pressure. You are your own person. You do not live your life wondering, worrying, what other people think. It's not that you don't care what others think. But you're not going to let that stop you from doing or liking something. And it's another reason why I'm glad I'm able to homeschool you--that you don't have to deal with all of that pressure to conform all day long. I know from when you were in public school that the pressure to conform (much of which came from your teacher!) didn't ever really make you conform, but it did cause a lot of friction and unpleasantness in your day. And I love how you are almost sort of baffled when people you know are affected by peer pressure.

I just took another break in writing this post because you came up to the man cave, where I've been, and we talked and talked for like an hour... about church(es), about peer pressure, about school, homeschooling, and unschooling, about what we're going to do this afternoon to get out of the house, besides chess club (I'm off from teaching this week, and Bob's going to be cleaning the house so we want to get out of his way!).... I love our conversations, and I know you do, too (I know 'cuz you just told me). And I love that you love the man cave. That might sound silly or weird but I do. You have a sort of relationship to this space and I think it's really cool. You love to come up here in the morning before anyone else is up, especially if it's raining--sometimes you'll bring your pillow and blanket and a book (ok, it's never just one book--it's always a whole stack), and you'll snuggle up under your blanket on the couch and listen to the rain on the roof while you read.... I love it.

I guess it's time to get on with my/our day, so I'll wrap this up. But happy birthday, George. It's a privilege and a pleasure being your mom. I can't wait to see what fun things this next year will bring, what great stories you'll write, what new passions will develop (speaking of which, I feel this letter would be incomplete without a mention of Pokemon and Lego Ninjago, two of your current passions!).... Thanks for being you. I love you.

Love,
Mom

Baby Ben Update

Life has been way too crazy to find time for blogging... and also too crazy to keep up with the baby book I had so diligently been filling out every month for Ben. But I have a few spare minutes (not really, but...), so I thought I'd jot down what Baby Ben has been up to the last few days.

He continues, of course, to be a total joy! Pretty much the happiest, smiley-est little guy you ever did see.

He had been working so much on various physical developments (crawling, standing, cruising...) that he hadn't said any new words in quite a while. But now he's on a verbal learning streak again. New additions to his vocabulary include uh-oh, which sounds more like "uh-uh", uttered whenever something falls or gets knocked over (usually by him, and usually on purpose); all gone, which sounds more like "ah-guh!"; all done, which, you guessed it, sounds like "ah-duh"; up, pronounced very clearly and decipherably; and arms up, which sounds like "ah-up" or "ah-uh", and is always accompanied by his putting his arms up in the air. While all of these utterances are completely adorable and sweet, "up" has to be my favorite. He finds occasion to say it all the time. For example, he'll sit up in bed right when he first wakes up, with his eyes still half-closed, he'll bust out a definitive, authoritative "up!" Or if we're up in the man cave, he'll proudly proclaim "up" when he sees Bob coming up the stairs. Or when he's in one of his exersaucers or a high chair and wants to get out. Or when he sees someone stand up. Or when he pulls himself up. What a great early word! So multi-purpose, and so positive....

On the flip side, he has figured out what "no" is and when you say it to him he'll give you the most serious little look, almost a stern look, and start shaking his head. This is when he's doing something he really wants to keep doing and you're telling him not to. If he doesn't mind being told no or if he hears us saying no to each other or if we read it in a book, he gets the most adorable little smile on his face and then shakes his head. If you ask him a question, any question, he'll usually smile and shake his head.

Actually, that's not quite true. If you ask him, when he's on the bed, if he wants to go up to the man cave, he'll smile and clap. If you ask him if he wants some num-nums he'll perk right up and start looking around for where you're hiding the goods. And if you ask him if he wants to go somewhere with you and he does, he'll book right on over to you as fast as he can and put his arms up, waiting for you to pick him up. He's definitely a baby on the go, and would rather not be left behind!

More physical feats of late... in addition to the head-shaking and the clapping, and the crawling, standing, and cruising, he's become quite the acrobat. The other day he did a full flip off the side of the bed, fortunately landing in the laundry basket. With a pillow on top of himself (he was trying to climb over the pillow, which was on the side of the bed, and which flipped right along with him). He has also figured out the best way to get down off of something (couch, chair, bed) is to dive, head first. He does it slowly, and puts his arms out, but he does often land on his head. He's such a tough little guy, though. He very rarely cries.

Laurie, one of his godmothers, noticed what a little tough guy he is the other day when he closed his baby laptop right on his thumb. She said he pulled the thumb out, looked at it for a second, then sort of brushed it off on his leg and continued playing.

I was similarly impressed when he fell off the bed the other day (not his careful sliding that he does on purpose) and landed on his head, with a thud, on the wood floor. (Where was his mother?! I was sitting right next to him but had taken my eye off of him for a second. It does not take long for a baby to fall off the side of a bed!). Anyway, he didn't so much as whimper. He said something sort of like "eh!" and then got up into a crawling position, and crawled right out the bedroom door, obviously quite pleased with himself for breaking out of the prison of the bed, and eager to explore. He headed out into the hallway (with mom tailing him very, very closely) and paused as if trying to decide which way to go. He opted for the route up to the man cave, crawling quite quickly across the floor and over to the stairs. Previously, he had only ever mounted one or two of them, but I guess he was feeling emboldened by his new-found freedom, and he climbed up every last stair until he got up to Dada at the top.

Speaking of Dada, though he remains utterly attached to Bob, he still doesn't really say Dada so much! It's gotten to be almost a running joke now and in fact we sometimes wonder if Ben is holding out on purpose because he thinks it's funny or something. Until recently, if you'd say "Dada" to Ben, he'd look at you like he was thinking about it and then he'd reply "MA-MA". But now he has a new response: "Bah-Bob!" It sort of sounds like a cross between "Bob" and the word for daddy in Italian ("Babbo"), both of which he's heard Bob called, but honestly, we all call Bob "Dada" wayyyy more than we call him anything else, so it's kind of funny that for whatever reason Ben's just not saying it. The funny thing about it is both how dada is supposed to be one of the easiest words to say, and also how attached he is to his dada. I mean, he was saying mama by about 3 months, and Lindsey and George soon thereafter, and he even said Linda (quite discernibly) when we went to visit my family in CA and he took a strong, instant liking to his Aunt Linda.

He also remains very attached to his big sissy. The other night when it was time for Lindsey to go to bed, and Ben saw that she was leaving the room, he protested so insistently and loudly that we just had to let her stay up an extra hour to hang out with him! He'll be very happy this summer when she's back with us every day.

He continues to love music, and fortunately he has expanded his tastes from $&!#-kickin' country to various other genres. The other day I had Mardi Gras music on Music Choice on the TV. He cruised across the front of the TV stand until he got to the volume button on the sound system. He cranked it all the way to "max volume" (which really is quite loud!), looked back at me, and then proceeded to start dancing!

I have so much more to say, but I'll wrap this up with one of the sweetest things he does, and that is giving out kisses. He doesn't really do the kissing motion with his lips--he just sort of opens his mouth and puts it on your cheek, and then pulls his face back a little and gives you the most adorable little smile, like he knows he's done something sweet. He's done this on occasion for quite some time (mostly to Bob at first), but now he's really doing it often. And he's started dispensing these to the cats, when he can catch them--somewhat to their dismay!

Somehow I'm managing to enjoy all of this quite fully, despite being stressed out/overwhelmed by work much of the time. I'm definitely counting the weeks to the end of the semester....

Proud Mama

My boys are having a great day today!

First, George got elected president of his Campfire Kids troop (a co-ed, hippy version of scouts. I should add that I don't really know if the national organization of Campfire is so much more hippy than scouts, but our local homeschool troop definitely is!). Here was the speech he gave:

Please don't feel like you have to vote for me because you're my friend. If you do vote for me, I want it to be because you think I'd do the best job. I have a lot of experience with public speaking, so I think I'd do a pretty good job as president.

Now, if you've been reading this blog from the beginning, you may recall that George ran for president of his homeschool government class a couple of years ago, and lost. So I was really proud of him for having the courage to run.

And I'm really happy for him that he's finding ample opportunities to explore his interests and talents. It was one of the things I was worried about when we made the decision to homeschool full-time, that he wouldn't have the chance to experience certain things that I knew he would really enjoy and that usually happen in a school setting, like running in an election. And here he is, only a couple of years later, having gotten to experience both losing and winning. I'm also proud of how humble he is about all of this:-) He took it totally in stride, and also felt bad for his friend who ran against him--who, by the way, did get elected VP.

As for my other boy, he sat up today for the first time! He's been working up to it, almost sitting up, for a long, long time. But today was the first day where he stayed up long enough that we felt it could really "count". Correcting himself when he was about to fall over and such. Both Bob and I were sitting right here with him when he did it. Proud, happy moment!

Let's hope the evening goes just as well as the afternoon did, as Bob and I have a gig with the band downtown in a few hours. It's a quick (half-hour) gig at a downtown block party jointly held by the University and the city, called Communiversity Fest. Ok, gotta go get ready to rock!

Back to School (ish)

Wow, it's been a long time since I've written! (Actually, I started many posts over the summer which I would then abandon when the baby needed me, and then I'd forget to get back to them. I did recently get around to posting one I had started on Father's Day about Ben and Bob. Maybe I'll be filling in some more as time goes by.) In any case, as you can imagine, I've been a little busy all summer, with the sweetest little baby around, but also with work, and with the older kids. George was home a lot (didn't go to as many camps as he has in past years), and Brad and Lindsey, my stepkids, were with us all summer. It was crazy and hectic in some respects, but it was also great to have that bonding time as a family.

Anyway, Brad and Lindsey are back at school and living with their mom most of the time, and our homeschooling is pretty much back in full swing. I'm on maternity leave this semester (hooray for my dean), but will continue to work on several things including the journal I edit.

I thought long and hard about what I wanted to accomplish with George this year, and talked to him about it extensively. There are those who think I should make George do at least some academic things that he doesn't particularly enjoy (just every so often, because that's life), but I'm perfectly satisfied merely to make him endure chores that he doesn't enjoy and leave it at that. I really don't see any reason to make school unpleasant for him. First of all, that's a big reason why we homeschool! So that I can tailor the work to his learning styles/abilities, so that he gets the most out of it. Second of all, if it's unpleasant for him, believe me, it's unpleasant for me. And who needs that?! So, anyway, I have had many discussions with George about what his expectations and desires and goals are, and together we came up with the following plans:

MATH: Math was so traumatic last year! I even considered skipping it altogether this year, to make up for the anguish I made him endure last year because I didn't want to let him quit a program I had spent a small fortune on, even when it became utterly clear it was a terrible fit for him. But rather than abandoning math altogether, I really wanted to find at least a few things he could do that he would actually enjoy, to try to see if he could maybe even have a little fun with math. What we came up with was the first two books in the Life of Fred series, which are roughly equivalent to 5th-grade math, I think. Also, he'll continue to play math-based computer games like Timez Attack (which has painlessly taught him his times tables). We may also work through the Descartes' Cove math CD series, though when we tried it last year it was still a little too hard for him. Will all of this be enough? I don't know. Enough for what, anyway? The Life of Fred author claims that there is enough math in the series, if you follow it to the end, to get you through college-level math classes. I think that's going to be good enough for me, at least for 5th grade. Seriously, if he falls behind he can always catch up later, and it's more important to me right now that he find a way not to hate math, and maybe even to love it.

SCIENCE: We bought the complete middle school/high school PLATO online curriculum (through the Homeschool Buyers Co-op), but with the idea that all George really needed to do to make it worth our while was the award-winning middle school science series (which CTY uses for their middle school science courses, at greatly increased cost--admittedly, with increased support as well). There are three separate courses: Life Science, Earth and Space Science, and Physical Science. He's well into the Earth and Space one (started it over the summer) and is loving it so far.

ENGLISH: Reading takes care of itself with George, and so do spelling and vocabulary-building and such. As for writing, I kind of wanted him to take another CTY reading/writing course--he's done two and they were fantastic--but he decided he's more interested in a course offered by Northwestern's CTD called Family Vignettes. Here's the course description:

It has been said that family stories are heirlooms held in the heart, not the hand. Every family has favorite memories, often with multiple versions, dependent on the person who is telling the tale. Learn to create short, written, impressionistic scenes that focus on a single moment or event in a family’s memory and discover a particular insight into a character, idea or setting. To tell these stories well, students must pay attention to details, refine their writing skills and in turn, become more thoughtful readers and writers in other contexts. The final products of this class are treasured.

He's going to wait until the winter session to do that class, though. For now he'll focus on various creative writing projects and also on learning to type, which he's finally excited about doing. For that we're using Type to Learn, which we also bought through the Homeschool Buyers Co-op at a significant discount. Honestly, if the main thing he accomplishes this year in writing is to learn how to type well, I'll be happy. It will be such an important skill for him--for everyone, really, but especially for someone who really loves to write. As for handwriting, I do think he could stand some work in that area as well, but I'm going to wait on that for now. I think one boring-but-essential mechanical skill at a time is enough.

SOCIAL STUDIES: I had thought he might like to do the American History course on PLATO, but he did a few units over the summer and quickly tired of it. I'm not going to sweat it. Learned that lesson with math last year. Besides, there are sooooo many ways to learn history. We're going to watch the History Channel video series "America: The Story of US", which we actually started watching last year but didn't make it all the way through. They're decent videos, and I'm grateful to the History Channel for sending them to educators for free. But they aren't terribly nuanced or critical, so to balance them out he'll read Howard Zinn's "A Young People's History of the United States." I think those two things would give him a really decent overview of American history, but on top of that we're going to build a curriculum around the Williamsburg virtual field trip series (again, something we bought through the Homeschool Buyers Co-op--at 90% off! Maybe it sounds like I'm doing a commercial for this Co-op. I'm not. It's free to join anyway. I'm just so happy that I found it, because it's saved me a ton of money and has also brought a lot of great materials to my attention). It's a program of seven live broadcasts on a variety of topics, and it looks like it could be great fun. I haven't fully explored all of the study materials that come along with it, but from what I have seen it looks like it would be pretty easy to spend a lot of time (if that's what we want) preparing for them and then wrapping them up. I'm looking forward to watching them myself. The first one (Oct. 14) is called "The Will of the People", and here's its description: "One of the most bitter presidential campaigns in U. S. history is part of a surprising lesson for a 21st-century student. Thomas Jefferson explains how negative campaigning, partisan politics, and contested elections have been part of our political system since the earliest days of the republic."

MUSIC & THE ARTS: Recorder lessons, with a fantastic teacher who is a great musician and teacher and also totally "gets" George. I've probably written about her before. She's really top-notch, teaching him the basics like reading music but also having him write his own pieces, and improvise as part of his daily practice, and play songs different ways expressing different things, etc. And church choir, with arguably the best choirmaster in town. (People who aren't even Episcopalian have been known to join the choir at our church to be able to work with him.) I was in a church choir briefly when I was a kid and I remember getting together every so often and learning some nice hymns and putting together a special program at Christmas and such, but this is something else. He really gives the kids a thorough musical education. I'm so glad George has taken to it. In addition to those things, we'll take him to concerts, plays, operas, art exhibits, etc., and of course expose him to plenty of rock and blues via Voodoo Highway :-)

PHYS ED: Tae Kwon Do... as close to 3 days a week as we can swing. Also, running around and playing outside both at the weekly homeschool playgroup and with the neighborhood kids after school, as long as the weather permits. I'm trying to talk George's dad into taking him to the park once a week for a bike ride. And I'm going to try to get George to come with me sometimes when I walk with Ben. Honestly, this will probably be the most challenging area to keep up with (I mean, once the pool is closed). I'm considering buying a trampoline... if I can find a cheap one that seems reasonably safe.

In addition to the subjects mentioned so far, he'll be participating in plenty of other group and individual activities, like "Cooking and Pop Culture" with my BFF Laurie, and Chess Club, and Campfire Kids (kind of like a more hippie version of Boy Scouts), and Shakespeare in the spring, and probably Odyssey of the Mind, etc. etc. Also, he'll have various daily/weekly chores. So, he'll be keeping busy!

I'm hoping to strike a good balance this year, giving him just enough structure so that he can really thrive, but also giving him freedom to run with his interests. I'm not so concerned that he cover everything that a 5th grader would cover in public school. My approach is more that I want him to be able to explore what he's passionate about, while continuing to develop his talents and skills that will serve him in whatever his future endeavors will be (most likely including--but not limited to--college). And I want him to have a great time doing it. And I want to be able to facilitate it all while still being able to devote ample time and energy to my job. And my new baby. And stepkids. And marriage. And the band. And.... Well, you get the idea. Wish me luck.

Birthday thoughts, and OW

First, the ow--I've been having early labor pains for most of the weekend and it has not been fun. They do finally seem to be subsiding, though, so I'm hoping for a decent night's sleep!

More importantly, the birthday thoughts... It's George's 10th tomorrow.

I used to keep a sort of journal for him. I started it when I was pregnant with him. When I found out I was pregnant all those years ago, a friend took me to a knitting store and got me started on my first knitting project since the 1970s, when I knitted one pink slipper to earn some girl scout badge or other. (It was all about the badges--and one slipper was enough, so I never got around to the other one.) Anyway, my friend got me started on a lovely blanket, which I really appreciated, but it wasn't helping me to connect with the little being inside of me in a way that really felt like, well, me. I suddenly got the idea to start a journal, which I would address to the baby, and in which I would write down all of my thoughts about being pregnant. I loved it, and I kept doing it regularly well into his first year. I'll share them with him someday, when he's a bit older. Anyway, my writing has gotten more and more sporadic, and I now write only a couple of times a year or less.

But one thing I've always done, right before his birthday, is to write down a bunch of things I love about him right then, at that age, and also some highlights of the last year. I was going to just write it in here this year, but then I thought that I really ought, for continuity's sake, to write it in the latest journal I have for him (which I think I started when he was about 4!) But then I couldn't find it, and now there's less than an hour left before his birthday, so I figured I'd better just go ahead and write it in here! I always address it to him. I hope it won't sound, I don't know, too personal. Or like I'm bragging, because it's kind of all about how awesome he is. (He's never actually read any of these yet, but he'll probably read this one... Anyway...) So if all that's going to annoy you, just stop reading right now! In any case, here goes.

Dear George,

It's almost your birthday! I won't say anything trite, like "you're growing up so fast", even though it does seem odd that it was 10 years ago tonight that I went to the hospital to bring you into this world. I didn't really know what to expect, of course. I was very excited and also scared. I had always wanted to be a mom, and sure hoped I'd be good at it. It's funny that now, exactly 10 years later, I've been having labor pains.... But in a way it's kind of cool, a kind of interesting connection between you and your little brother-to-be.

George, you might think I am saying this just because I'm your mom, but you are a really great kid. I have loved the last year with you. It has been such a privilege to get to spend so much time with you. It was just a little over a year ago, I think, that we pulled you out of the Montessori school (which you were attending only part-time at that point anyway) and moved full steam ahead with homeschooling. It has not always been easy and we've been sort of figuring it out as we go along, but I am so happy we're making it work. I can see that you are thriving and that is what a mom really wants to see.

So, what do I love about you, right now, at this ripe old age of 9? I love... first of all how kind and caring you are. You really care about other people and are extraordinarily thoughtful and considerate. You've been that way since you were like 2, but I'm glad to see that the world hasn't taken it out of you :-) Also, how insightful you are. How you really "get it". You have a great barometer for detecting bull#$%@ and you crack me up sometimes when you subtly call people out on it. You are really good at considering people's motives and also at understanding why people do the things they do, even when those things aren't very nice. This is true on the level of family, friends, and even society--we had a great conversation about racism tonight, for example. (After which you told me that when you grow up you want to eradicate racism. And also find a better cure for lice.) And I love our bedtime conversations--connecting with each other at the end of a day.

I love how motivated you are with Tae Kwon Do and also with recorder. That when we find something that you like and is a good fit for you, you really run with it.

I love that you trust me enough that when I'm upsetting you you know you can tell me. Like the other day in the car when we were a little late for music because you took too long getting ready, and I was going on and on about it because I was stressed out (about work, not really so very much about being late for the music lesson) and you listened to what I had to say but at a certain point you spoke up and gently expressed that I had really made my point, and that you really don't like it when I go on and on like that after you've clearly heard and understood what I've said! You were so right. And you didn't say it in a mean or disrespectful way.

I love how creatively you play. You will sit in your room for hours playing with your toys (right now it's lots of Legos and Disney Racers), talking and making up story lines... and I love that because you're homeschooled you have plenty of time to do that. Also, I really enjoy sitting on the floor with you (well, I did before I was pregnant, anyway!), playing board games, especially word games. Also, the way you write your own comics and you make up games that involve drawing pictures and such (sort of "choose-your-own-adventure" games, where you draw pictures for each adventure that the "player" chooses, like the rock-star game you made up for me).

Speaking of which, I love how you love my music and my singing. It makes me so happy to hear you sing, and I get an extra kick out of hearing you sing the songs I have written. Even more, I love how we wrote a song together, Schoolhouse Blues--that we took your horrible experiences in first grade and turned them into something so fun, and that was so well received when Bob and I performed it at the unschoolers convention.

There's not much I love a whole lot more than your sense of humor. You really do crack me up several times a day. Wish I could think of some examples but I'm tired and am drawing a blank! On a similar note, your facility with language. I love how when you learn a new word you start using it right away (pretty much always correctly).

I love the tenderness you already feel toward your little brother. You are so sweet when you kiss or ever-so-gently pat my belly and talk to him. I love all the love you already have in your heart for this little boy you haven't met just yet, but of course are so deeply connected to.... Also, how early on in the pregnancy you told me that a uterus was a portal from heaven. And how when you came to an ultrasound early on, and the ultrasound technician pointed out how quickly the baby had just turned around, you turned to me and announced, totally deadpan, "Well, Mom, looks like we've got another child prodigy on our hands." Also, how you told me that the ultrasound reminded you of how Chronos had swallowed his children, that that's what it looked like to you!

I love your attitude about religion and God and the Bible and such, and that you and I can have mature, sophisticated, and completely honest discussions about theology. And about literature. And about people. And about the meaning of life, and about just about anything. You are a great conversationalist--and not just for a nine-year-old, either. Really. I am lucky to know a lot of really great conversationalists and you can hold your own with any of them, with insightfulness, panache, and wit.

I also love how philosophical you can be... like the other day when you were overtired and upset, and verbalized that you were overwhelmed by turning 10 and thinking about all of the changes that you've had in your life already! Also how you noticed, when you were so very tired and upset, that it was, as you said, almost as if your body was looking for excuses to cry. That level of insight into your own feelings is going to serve you well in life.

I love what a good little actor you are. It was so wonderful to see you on stage last year (on your birthday!) at the play on campus, and then again as Lysander at the various performances of A Midsummer Night's Dream with the homeschoolers--especially one of the outdoor performances, when it was pouring rain, but you didn't let it slow you down one bit (nor did any of your cast mates!) I also loved it when you realized that you had forgotten to bring your sword out on stage with you once when you had a fight scene that was about to start--you hesitated for only a fraction of a second, and then just went for it, as if you were holding that sword anyway.

I love snuggling up with you in the morning and chatting, planning our day, or sometimes watching tv. I love going out to lunch with you. And going to the movies with you, even though I fall asleep probably half the time. How you loved the Return of the Pink Panther, which was my favorite movie when I was your age.

I love traveling with you...

I love how helpful you've become, especially now that I'm pregnant... offering to do various things without even being asked (like carrying the groceries, etc.).

Of course there are plenty of other things I love about you, Honey, but it's so late and I'm so tired... so this will have to do. I hope you're not embarrassed that I've written all of this here instead of in a journal where no one but you would see it (and not even you for several more years!!!).

Goodnight, my 9-year-old. Tomorrow we'll have brownies at Shakespeare class, and for dinner we'll have tostadas, your favorite meal. Then next week we'll have a little party for you at the movies. You wanted to show the Pink Panther movie, but were dissuaded when you showed to one of your friends and he didn't share your enthusiasm, so it's Back to the Future Part 2, instead (since you showed part 1 last year). So, sweet dreams, and happy, happy birthday to you!

Bittersweet

I had an amazing day with George today. But by the end of it, I found myself feeling a bit wistful....

The day started out in the desert, at my mom's. It was our last day there before heading back to Orange County, where we're staying overnight at my brother Drew's and then flying back home to the great white north.

We were considering stopping off at Disneyland's California Adventure, Disney's other theme park out here, on the way to my brother's, solely because we had free tickets to it. Which we got last week when we went to Disneyland with several members of my family (if you are CA residents, as they all are, you get a free ticket to the other theme park to be used on a separate day). A few Disneyland pics:

(Mom in front of the Matterhorn)

(George and Cousin Ryan, waiting for the Tiki Room)


(Drew, my mom, Ryan, and George on the Jungle Cruise)

Honestly, we've been to CA Adventure before and haven't been too impressed with it. But *free* tickets....

George is so sweet--even though he actually really wanted to go, at first he said he didn't. After a bit of probing, I figured out that he was just saying that because he didn't want me to tire myself out too much. He saw how exhausted I was after Disneyland last week, and he was worried about me! What a kid. Anyway... I just hated to let free tickets go to waste, so I told him we'd stop by for only a couple of hours.

As it turns out, we got such a late start leaving my mom's that we got there just about two hours before closing time, which was fine because a) there really aren't all that many rides there and b) this would ensure that I would not let myself get overly tired. And it's just as well, because when closing time rolled around I would have totally been up for staying longer, but I know that would have done me in. And with a cross-country trip tomorrow, and then band practice on Thursday, and then a gig on Friday, well, let's just say it worked out very well that I had no choice but to cut it short.

In any case, it was a marvelous couple of hours. It really was. He was such great company. We went on several rides, my favorite being Soaring over California, where you are taken on a simulated glider ride over various parts of California. A totally safe and non-bumpy thrill....

We had been to California Adventure I think twice before. Both times with free tickets. The first time was kind of a disappointment, because he was too little to go on half the rides. But I actually still have some very happy memories of that trip, especially of him playing in a couple of "play-place" type areas that they do have for younger kids. The second time was more recently, and he was big enough to go on the rides, but he was too scared for some of them. This time, he was really looking forward to going on some of the scarier rides, but the thing is, expectant mothers are barred from all of them. (At nearly 6 months I could pass for a woman with a paunch, but couldn't be less interested in a roller coaster at this point!) I told him that if he really wanted to we'd see if he could go by himself, or we'd try to find someone in line who would go with him. He was thinking that he might like to try that, but said that first he just wanted to go on rides with me, which I thought was awfully sweet (especially given how little time we had).

Turns out, that was just as well. The third ride we went on was a giant, swinging ferris wheel. The cars are on rollers, so they slide/swing back and forth quite dramatically (yet very smoothly) at certain points. This made us scream! Mostly with delight. But by the time we were coming around to the bottom, George asked if we could get off. (It was time to get off anyway.) After that, he was pretty much cured of all desire to go on the fast/scary/looping roller coasters.

(Roller coaster left and center; thrilling-enough ferris wheel to the right...)

We also had a lot of fun in the Toy Story 3-D shooting gallery. You ride around in a little cart, while wearing 3-D glasses, and you stop in front of screens with various scenes and targets on them (like you would see in a carnival shooting gallery). It keeps track of your score for you, so at the end you can compare how you did with the day's and month's high scores (we thought we did pretty well, until we saw that we had about 1/6th of the daily high scores. And about 10% of the month's high score....)

After the crazy ferris wheel George was ready for some old-fashioned playtime, and I was happy to sit down for a bit, so we went to one of the play areas. It's a gigantic (and I do mean gigantic) sort of wooden jungle gym/obstacle course. One of the earlier times when we were there I remember he got away from me and I was pretty freaked out because it was so big and there were so many people, but he's older now so I just turned him loose in there and told him to meet me back at the bench at the entrance when he was done. Funny--this time he was the one who got a little freaked out, because at a certain point he wanted to leave and couldn't find the exit, and was also afraid that I'd be worried about him! Sweet.

After that we wanted to get something for dinner, but the park was closing and the only food place that was still open was the ice cream place. I asked him if he wanted to wait and get something outside of the park, but he was starving, so I said what the heck, and we had ice cream for dinner. (It was delicious, if not-so-nutritious.)

We made one more stop on our way out, at one of the stores, where I got him some little cars, which he's been very into lately. He was so appreciative, and so non-greedy about it all--it made it really a pleasure to spend what was a pretty reasonable amount on him (some or even most of the stuff in those stores is way overpriced, but the little cars were fine).

While we were in the store, and the day was just about over, I was suddenly overcome with bittersweet emotion. It hit me that this was one of the last times *ever* that it would be just the two of us.

For perhaps even the majority of George's life it's been just the two of us. When he was very young, his father was living with us for a few years, but was not around a whole lot many/most days. After he and I split up (amicably, ftr), I was officially a single mother for several years. And even though I'm now married and have two stepchildren who spend plenty of time with us, George and I have a *lot* of time where it's just the two of us, since he's homeschooled and I work from home a lot. So we are accustomed to long stretches of time at home and about town together where it's just us. And beyond all of that daily time, because of our uniquely flexible schedules, for George's whole life he and I have taken regular trips out to California to see my family, pretty much every year.

But all of that is about to change, because soon there will be another little one in the mix. And this one will not have a parent in another home that he goes to sometimes. Of course, sometimes Bob will take Ace (did I mention that's the baby's in-utero nickname?) somewhere for a morning or an afternoon and George and I will have a little alone-time, but that will be the exception far more than the rule that it has been.

I asked George, in the store, how he felt about that and he actually said that he's excited about it. He added that he's particularly looking forward to reliving his childhood "from a different perspective". I hope he still feels that way after Ace is born. I think he will, actually.

In any case, big, big changes ahead for us.... So I'm extra glad we've had this time.

Highs, Lows, and Tortilla Soup

I am actually, finally, getting a little emotional with this pregnancy. Not a whole lot, mind you--just a bit. And you know what? It's not all bad.

I have been extremely level-headed throughout this whole thing thus far. Which sort of felt like it has been by choice. You see, I had a miscarriage about a year ago--actually a little sac that never developed a baby in there, so it did not feel as tragic as it might have. In fact, if I *had* to have a miscarriage, I'm sort of glad that that's the way it went, because there really wasn't the loss of a baby to mourn. And honestly even though I was quite sad about the whole thing, part of me was happy that I got to experience the joy of a positive pregnancy test (and a few happy days before it was clear something was wrong) with the man I'm married to and with whom I'm deeply in love.

Despite all of that, it was quite the roller coaster ride, in no small part because there was a slight chance that a baby would suddenly decide to show up in the sac. So, since I very much wanted to be pregnant, the doc suggested I wait at least a few weeks to see what would happen. Those were some difficult weeks emotionally, let me tell you. Knowing I was probably miscarrying, but taking daily progesterone to try to keep it from happening.... Trying not to get my hopes up but at the same time not at all being able to mourn and process the miscarriage.... It was not a journey for the faint of heart, let's just say.

So when I discovered that I was pregnant this time, I was definitely circumspect. I didn't let myself get excited, hardly at all. We also did not tell a single soul for quite some time, which isn't the sort of thing that's in my nature--I'm good at keeping a secret for a friend if/when it's called for, but I don't like to keep hidden from those close to me something that is so monumental to myself! And if I had miscarried again, I definitely would have shared that with my friends and family, but if it came to that I wanted to do it after the fact, and not take everyone on that roller coaster ride with me once again. Also, George had taken the news of the miscarriage extremely hard--when I told him, he collapsed into tears and said it was the worst day of his life. Needless to say I was eager to spare him that pain!

So Bob and I kept it to ourselves for quite some time, most of the first trimester. And somehow, keeping the news completely to ourselves kind of made it not seem entirely real, even though the morning sickness and exhaustion provided daily evidence to the contrary! The combination of not telling anyone and of trying to be glad without getting my hopes up too much (I handled the first miscarriage like a pro, really, but a second one would've been crushing, I think) made me rather emotionally distant from the whole thing. Which, now that I think about it, is kind of sad!

Anyway, once the first trimester was over, and we had some excellent test results back, it was time to start telling people, and of course to start accepting for ourselves that it was really happening. Since then, I have been feeling very, very joyful about it. In fact, I've been on cloud nine pretty much every day, though I have also felt extremely grounded. In a good way. It's been this very calm, deep happiness, if that makes sense. No wild mood swings, no getting weepy....

Until last week. It was the day before I was leaving to come out to California to see my family. It was &%#*ing cold. Single digits. Below zero if you count the wind chill. I had been out tutoring and came home to Bob (all the kids were with their other parents). Bob asked me what I wanted to eat for lunch, and I just burst into tears! "Tortilla soup," I managed to say. "Do we have the stuff to make it?" he asked. "No!" I cried. Being the super-sweet husband he is, of course he volunteered to go out and get me some, but this made me cry even harder--"You can't go out there! It's too cold! And besides, I don't want you to leave me!" and, well, you get the picture. I cried for quite some time, until I fell asleep, which is probably all I really needed. When I woke up, we bundled up and did go out together for some tortilla soup.... But anyway, it was the first time during this whole pregnancy that I felt quite overwhelmed and emotionally not-really-myself.

Have I been willing myself to stay calm all this time, and I'm finally letting my guard down more? It doesn't really feel that way. Although, with all the responsibilities I have, it may be that something inside me knows I just *have* to stay grounded. Nothing like having other kids to keep you from getting too carried away by your own stuff, after all. But maybe now that I'm closing in on the third trimester and we are thinking about baby gear and other practical stuff it's becoming even more real to me, and that is taking things up a few notches for me emotionally. Or maybe the hormones are just finally catching up with me.

Whatever it is, I don't really mind! It is a true delight to be pregnant at this point in my life. And to be sharing it with my husband. And with George. And my step-kids.

So, I think I'll just relax and enjoy this ride for all it's worth :-)