I actually have three things I want to write about--something from Friday, Saturday, and Sunday--but Sunday's is going to have to wait till later. By the way, looks like I am finding time to write all of a sudden. Guess what's *not* getting done... (various reports for work that are almost as overdue as they are pointless).
So, on Saturday we drove over two hours to the state capital because George was being honored in an awards ceremony for CTY (the Center for Talented Youth program, through Johns Hopkins). The awards are for the top-scorers on the CTY entrance test, which he took in January. I have mixed feelings about this award (not about CTY in general, which I actually love. And not about his having done notably well on the test! Just about the idea of an award for performance on an aptitude test). On the one hand, I'm proud, of course. And I agree that academic achievement should be recognized just as other achievements (say, in sports) are. Also, George's academic giftedness has actually caused a lot of difficulties in his life so far--let me be clear that I'm not complaining! But his educational road has been extremely bumpy in ways that it would not have been were he not so far ahead, and he is keenly aware of this. I don't think he has necessarily thought of his giftedness as a burden, because education and intellect are appreciated/valued by those who are close to him, but I know that in certain educational settings, with certain teachers, he has felt not only held back but even beaten down. So it was great for him to stand up and be recognized and honored for who he is.
What's the flip side? Everything I've read says you should praise your kids not for being intelligent, but for working hard. After all, their intelligence is not really to their credit, and they know it. Praising them for it can make them complacent, risk-averse, and highly sensitive to failure. Praising them for their hard work, instead, emphasizes something that lies within their control, which empowers and encourages them to challenge themselves further. (Here is one article discussing these theories.) This CTY ceremony basically seemed to be awarding kids for being smart, since it was based on their entrance scores on an aptitude test, and not on anything they had accomplished in the program. But, whatever. George has had a really difficult year educationally--actually a really difficult two years--make that a really difficult three $%^&ing years in a row. So it was kind of nice to have him celebrated. Besides, I guess it took at least some guts to put himself out there and take the entrance test in the first place. Right?!?
I'm proud of him for something else, in a totally unconflicted way. On Friday afternoons he's taking a mock-government class for homeschoolers (with one of his uncommonly great former teachers who now homeschools her kids, and blogs about it), and this last Friday they were holding presidential elections. George is relatively new to the homeschool community, and has been feeling that he's having a rough time breaking into the group. Anyway, he decided that he wanted to run for president, even though he told me he was sure that he was going to lose. He just wanted to go for it anyway. Honestly, I was pretty impressed with this. I don't know that I'd have the courage to run in an election that I was sure I was going to lose! But he was determined to give it a try. Friday morning he composed his campaign speech. It went something like this:
"I've been thinking about what makes a good president, and I came up with two things. You have to be good at solving problems, and you have to be a good leader. I am both of those things. Plus, I care about other people's feelings and wishes, and as president I would take each person's concerns very seriously. Also, I have a presidential name. Think about it. Well, ok, so maybe the last president named George didn't work out so well. But what about George Washington? I think we can all agree that he was a great president. And I will work hard to be a great president, too."
He did end up losing the election, but it was far from a landslide. The vote was 5-6. He was very happy with how his speech went, and was both surprised and delighted that the vote was so close. I could not have been more proud. And I guess I don't need to worry about him being risk-averse or afraid of failure!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Note to Self: Listen to Your Kid
You'd think that since my semester is over I'd have all the time in the world to write in here (and to do all kinds of things, for that matter), but of course it doesn't really work that way. However, if you could see how much tidier my house is than it was a couple of weeks ago, you'd see that I have indeed been accomplishing something of great magnitude! Plus several projects at work needed attention (classes are over, but there's always more work to be done), plus I've been really busy with the band... but that's another story. What I want to write about is math.
Ok, not math per se, but how math had become such a struggle, when initially George was loving it. When he started his online EPGY math class back in March, he was so excited you'd have thought I'd signed him up for an online video game service. Sure, he needed reminding to work on it some days, but I never had to push him. That all changed in California over Easter (when I should have let him take a break for the week, but instead insisted on making him work pretty much every day). When we got back he just never wanted to do it, and when he expressed to me that he needed a vacation, I didn't listen right away. Honestly, I was thinking that it was kind of a lame excuse. Don't ask me why--I myself *certainly* needed a break from work, and didn't grade any of the papers I had brought with me to CA. Anyway, I finally gave him the break he'd been asking for, but if you've read the previous post, you'll know it didn't seem to be working.
Turns out I just needed to give it a chance. He recently started back up with the math, and guess what? He loves it again. Yes, I still have to remind him to do it most days, but he's genuinely enjoying it. So, it seems, he wasn't just making up excuses; he really knew what he needed. And what he needed was pretty reasonable.
A vacation, like everyone else around him got.
Ok, not math per se, but how math had become such a struggle, when initially George was loving it. When he started his online EPGY math class back in March, he was so excited you'd have thought I'd signed him up for an online video game service. Sure, he needed reminding to work on it some days, but I never had to push him. That all changed in California over Easter (when I should have let him take a break for the week, but instead insisted on making him work pretty much every day). When we got back he just never wanted to do it, and when he expressed to me that he needed a vacation, I didn't listen right away. Honestly, I was thinking that it was kind of a lame excuse. Don't ask me why--I myself *certainly* needed a break from work, and didn't grade any of the papers I had brought with me to CA. Anyway, I finally gave him the break he'd been asking for, but if you've read the previous post, you'll know it didn't seem to be working.
Turns out I just needed to give it a chance. He recently started back up with the math, and guess what? He loves it again. Yes, I still have to remind him to do it most days, but he's genuinely enjoying it. So, it seems, he wasn't just making up excuses; he really knew what he needed. And what he needed was pretty reasonable.
A vacation, like everyone else around him got.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Great day... or, Whew!
Since my last post, George continued to have a rough time. He had been unfocused and disconnected from pretty much all of his work, and from most of the authority figures in his life as well. I thought that maybe he was in fact overworked; after all, everyone else (including me, his step-dad who is a teacher, and his step-siblings, who go to school) had gotten a spring break, but I worked him straight through. So, I gave in to his request for a little break, and suspended his online math class for a couple of weeks, hoping to take some pressure off of him. It didn't help.
All he wanted to do every day was play in his room or read, and we were power-struggling all the time to get him to accomplish just about anything on his daily schedule. This was both hugely annoying and disappointing to me. I am new at this full-time homeschooling thing, and was starting to worry that it was all a big mistake. That I had signed myself up for an endless, massive headache. That this was going to ruin my relationship with my son. That I should force him to go back to school, where he was woefully under-stimulated and was so miserable, but at least he was someone else's problem all day long. (Ouch!) Just when I had all but given up hope of ever again seeing those happy, halcyon homeschooling days of when we had first started, my semester ended, and our first free Tuesday came around.
Well, it wasn't to have been a free Tuesday for me--I was supposed to go to campus in the morning and pick up a set of final papers that I had planned to spend the day grading. But something in me (inner procrastinator or parental genius?) decided that the work could wait. If I didn't pick up those papers I would have absolutely nothing to do all day but focus on George, who really hadn't had my undivided attention for a substantial portion of the day in I-don't-know-how-long.
After our usual struggle, he got his work and chores done pretty early, and I suggested we go to the park for a tennis lesson. To my great surprise (I thought he'd want to stay in his room all day again), the response was a very enthusiastic yes! When we got out on the court, wow! It was like I had my son back. Gone was the droopy, floppy, whiny boy I had seen so much of lately, and in his place was an energetic, joyful, attentive kid. He was having the time of his life. You might think this is because he is starved for physical activity or something, but that's not the case. I think it's that he finally had my full, undivided, and ungrumpy attention.
After tennis, we spent the rest of the afternoon at the park, running around, on the playground, and such. He was delighted and kind of shocked that I agreed to push him on the tire swing--and I realized that over the last few months I truly have not been able to be there for him the way I wish I could; I am around a lot, but I'm always busy. Anyway, I was feeling a connection to him that had really been missing lately, and I could see his old happy, cooperative, wonderful self returning. Swept up in the joy of the moment, I suggested we go on the regular swings, where we could swing side-by-side. Higher and higher we swung, laughing and talking and having a ball... until I was overcome with a sudden wave of motion-sickness! Our day at the park was over at that point, but I took George for some ice cream before heading home.
I'm hopeful that this will not have been a great day in isolation, that now that we've reestablished this connection, we've reached a turning point and will find that we're back to smoother sailing in general. I'll let ya know.
All he wanted to do every day was play in his room or read, and we were power-struggling all the time to get him to accomplish just about anything on his daily schedule. This was both hugely annoying and disappointing to me. I am new at this full-time homeschooling thing, and was starting to worry that it was all a big mistake. That I had signed myself up for an endless, massive headache. That this was going to ruin my relationship with my son. That I should force him to go back to school, where he was woefully under-stimulated and was so miserable, but at least he was someone else's problem all day long. (Ouch!) Just when I had all but given up hope of ever again seeing those happy, halcyon homeschooling days of when we had first started, my semester ended, and our first free Tuesday came around.
Well, it wasn't to have been a free Tuesday for me--I was supposed to go to campus in the morning and pick up a set of final papers that I had planned to spend the day grading. But something in me (inner procrastinator or parental genius?) decided that the work could wait. If I didn't pick up those papers I would have absolutely nothing to do all day but focus on George, who really hadn't had my undivided attention for a substantial portion of the day in I-don't-know-how-long.
After our usual struggle, he got his work and chores done pretty early, and I suggested we go to the park for a tennis lesson. To my great surprise (I thought he'd want to stay in his room all day again), the response was a very enthusiastic yes! When we got out on the court, wow! It was like I had my son back. Gone was the droopy, floppy, whiny boy I had seen so much of lately, and in his place was an energetic, joyful, attentive kid. He was having the time of his life. You might think this is because he is starved for physical activity or something, but that's not the case. I think it's that he finally had my full, undivided, and ungrumpy attention.
After tennis, we spent the rest of the afternoon at the park, running around, on the playground, and such. He was delighted and kind of shocked that I agreed to push him on the tire swing--and I realized that over the last few months I truly have not been able to be there for him the way I wish I could; I am around a lot, but I'm always busy. Anyway, I was feeling a connection to him that had really been missing lately, and I could see his old happy, cooperative, wonderful self returning. Swept up in the joy of the moment, I suggested we go on the regular swings, where we could swing side-by-side. Higher and higher we swung, laughing and talking and having a ball... until I was overcome with a sudden wave of motion-sickness! Our day at the park was over at that point, but I took George for some ice cream before heading home.
I'm hopeful that this will not have been a great day in isolation, that now that we've reestablished this connection, we've reached a turning point and will find that we're back to smoother sailing in general. I'll let ya know.
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